In the world of horse training, the battles we face are often quiet and unseen. I'm speaking from my own experience, and I hope to offer horse owners a little inside perspective into what we go through. 
As a horse trainer, I don't have a single friend in the industry who isn't struggling. And I mean really struggling. We pour our blood, sweat, and tears into this profession, and we understand that you, as horse owners, sometimes seek what you believe to be a better option.
Clients might bounce around, trying to find a more cost-effective choice, and we understand that. But what you might not see is that almost none of us share what's going on in our lives. Behind the scenes, many trainer friends I talk to are dealing with clients who come to the barn, crying and upset about things in their lives. Yet, it's rare for trainers to open up about their struggles. But I’ll tell you, I know trainers who have cancer, trainers who have had miscarriages, trainers who are getting divorced, trainers who’ve lost family members, and much more. Most of us don't have many days off, and we rarely get a break. We're at home, inundated with 50 texts and emails about your horse colicking, needing a different supplement, or asking questions that should wait until your next lesson. But here's the thing: we love the horses, and we love what we do. However, we're tired – really tired.We receive that text saying our client is leaving a day before the end of the month and we lay awake wondering what we didn’t do. We have to plan a vet appointment for a horse that’s not feeling right. Then, plan two PPE exams for horses we’ve been trying to sell for months, knowing if we don’t get them sold the client will be mad. Next, we have to hold three horses for the farrier so the farrier doesn’t fire us. Last but not least, we have to make sure you have all the paperwork to move into the barn. Don’t forget!  We have to make sure that we get the six lessons moved onto the schedule that we had to cancel because we went to the horse show. We are always making sure that none of the horses are lame this week, because you know horse’s are unpredictable. And what do you know!! Today, the horse we’re trying to sell is crippled, and another is missing a shoe. Our trusty horse trailer gave out during the late-night return from the show, with no one around to help us unload it. The stress keeps piling up. Now our client is crying in their lesson because of a bad day they’ve had and their horse isn’t listening or doing what they want. Then, we get told that a horse that was coming in for training can’t afford it so they are bailing, and of course we didn’t get a deposit so we’re scrambling to fill a stall.  Meanwhile, barn owners are fuming over damaged stalls and fences.  Plus, 4 horses are still wearing blankets in 60-degree weather, causing more complaints from clients that it wasn’t removed at exactly 43 degrees.We manage the emotions of others while we manage the struggles of riding and caring for horses. We get on 10 horses a day, and on this day they might feel great,  and then another day they feel like garbage.  Sometimes we feel unsure that we should even be a trainer. The days are hard and we might not be even remotely close to where we want to be. We try to have hopes and dreams for our own riding and take our own lessons, but where do we fit that in? And then, those that have significant others go home and attempt to give them energy and time, all the while worried about everything that went wrong in the day. There are those that want desperately to find someone to have a relationship with, but with what time? They ask if they are going to be alone forever, because where do you meet someone when you’re 7 days a week, 12 hours a day deep? We then hire an assistant to try to help, but of course that’s another cost we may have trouble covering. We love it, so we make it work. What most don’t understand is your trainer drove to the barn to give your horse an extra medication and didn’t charge you. You trainer showed up for a vet appointment and they didn’t charge you, because they are dedicated and care. There’s a million little things that go unnoticed that your trainer does. And it feels like a slap in the face when you just walk out on them. It's personal to us when we give our all and there's a lack of communication. We sometimes mess up. We are human. It’s hard on us when a client whom we thought we were close to suddenly leaves. We're all trying to manage our time while so many of us have nothing to show for the hard work we put in. Most of us are living month to month, and are stressed about your horse's health and wellbeing as much as you are.  We're equally stressed about all the 20 horses in our  program that we deeply care about. We know it sucks when we have to move a lesson or cancel. We know it’s your lunch break and you have availability. What you don’t know is how difficult it is to accommodate everyone’s schedule into our 60 hour week. Some days we don’t eat lunch. Many days we miss spending time with our families. Our self care typically comes after we take care of you and your horse’s needs. When trainers are at dinner and drop everything to help take your horse for colic surgery or another emergency, and then spend the night waiting for your horse to get out of surgery, we aren’t paid overtime. We have to show up for our other clients the next day even though we are tired and distraught. There is a lot of stuff that we provide behind the scenes that gets overlooked.Many jobs are stressful, but most are performance based. When clients win every show of the year, we don’t get a bonus. There’s no incentive. It doesn’t matter if you were the best trainer this year. We might get better horses in the future, but that doesn’t help us pay this year’s bills. When we try to raise prices to survive, clients leave or complain and tell us their financial troubles. Most jobs give you vacation, insurance, and benefits. If we try to take a vacation, we’re penalized and clients are upset when they didn’t get their lessons.  Don’t forget, when we do go on vacation,  we don’t make any money and a lot of the time we are spending money to cover our job. We then need to work extra days to recover from being gone. This is a peek into our world, where passion meets exhaustion, and dedication meets challenges. We're not just horse trainers; we're horse lovers, striving to make a difference in the lives of these magnificent animals. So, the next time you see your horse trainer, remember that they, too, are going through their own battles, and a little understanding can go a long way. Compensate your trainer for every additional moment they invest in your horse – whether it’s holding for the vet or farrier, transporting your horse, or simply being there. Surprise them with a cup of coffee as a token of your appreciation. Don’t forget to pay your trainer for their time, whether that is at horse shows or at home. Show your gratitude with a tip. We never get one. Provide a 30-day notice if you plan to make changes. Honor the commission they deserve when your horse is sold or purchased. Respect their personal time by refraining from texting during their days off or vacations. Show your support by attending their shows and cheering them on.


This is the life of a horse trainer. 

Something has shifted, and we expect to have a problem fixed in a shorter period of time than it takes your horse to learn. If you called a trainer and asked them to teach your horse lead changes by Friday for a show on Saturday, they would tell you you’re crazy. Yet, I get calls all the time asking to snap my fingers and fix a problem. 


I like to use lead changes as an example because it’s not an easy thing to teach a horse, or their people. As a trainer we expect to have all of the building blocks already in place to make this movement possible. We expect to train it, practice it, and fine tune it for months before we let our client or student try it. We also expect there to be some regression when the client/student starts to train on the movement, since they are learning the horse’s buttons as well. 


When it comes to trailer problems, people expect that I will get the horse in the trailer that day. While I may be able to get it done, that frankly isn’t fair to the horse or to me. It makes me the bad guy, and adds chaos to a situation that already is high stress. 


Practicing things poorly or in an unclear way leads to a result that is poor and/or unclear. If your grade school teacher was trying to teach you long division without knowing how to do it themselves, it would create a mess. I understand wanting to learn with your horse, and there is a time and place for this. 


It isn’t about being brave, or having grit. It’s about having the skills to fix a problem or teach a horse something better so that when they’re carrying someone who isn’t as clear or concise with their ask, everyone stays safe and gets the end result they’re wanting. 

In the process of working with horses, we as an industry began assuming that because of the size of a horse it is normal for them to be insensitive. For example, it may feel like there is 500 pounds of dead weight on your rein or lead rope. The reality is horses are very capable of being light and responsive, and they even depend on it to survive in the wild. Their ability to hear, see, and notice every little detail is unmatched.


Having to kick, pull hard, or use your whip repeatedly is a result of a riders' timing being off or inconsistent. Now, don’t get me wrong; each horse is an individual, and one horses' softness compared to another will vary (this is an evolutionary development explaining why there are all different rankings in a herd), but it is not normal for your horse to be dull.


Oftentimes, I hear people use the word "desensitize," and I find that concept misleading. Yes, we have to use a certain level of desensitization to get our horse to tolerate riders. From haltering to saddling and riding we ask our horses to do things very outside of their survival needs. However, through these necessities of training, we actually do not want to teach our horses to tune out and dissociate to the point that they lose all of their natural responsiveness. I frequently see horses who have been ‘desensitized’ improperly and feel trapped when exposed to something scary resulting in the horse feeling stuck or feeling the need to defend themselves such as striking or kicking.  


As a trainer my goal is to be able to use aids in a way that I can allow horses a place to go, and finding a release of the pressure. Eventually, they will figure out that stressful pressure that was so scary and they had previously reacted too, doesn’t warrant a huge reaction after all, but with correct training and timing, there is an out. 


Another mistake that I often see my clients make is constantly begging their horse through pulling or kicking resulting in horses being trained either to fight or to completely tune us out. Horses that frequently tolerate poor timing on the part of the human often develop the defense of dissociating to cope with the constant unrelenting pressure. These behaviors are often seen in lesson horses or schoolmasters who, are worth their weight in gold, and also know how to read between the lines and tune out unnecessary noise from the rider. The best way to create the desired lovely lightness and responsiveness is to use an aid and remove it as quickly as possible when a rider has achieved the desired response. Your horse will learn that all he stop the pressure of the aid, therefore alleviating nagging, is give you the correct answer in a short period of time.

Think that your lead rope is connected to your horses feet not to their face. 
I’m sure you’re thinking, what in the world is she talking about? 
Your horse is your dance partner and if you stop they should stop. If you lead they should follow. No delay. If I create energy (I use the word bump) in my halter I expect that my horses feet move and responded immediately. Often I see people bump their horse and they throw their head up and react, but the feet don’t move. Then your horse ends up defensive because to them their feet are stuck so they feel trapped. If the feet always flow (follow) with the feel of the lead rope you will always have control of your horse. You loose control of your horse only when you don’t have a say in where your horse puts its feet. 
1. Does you horse stop when you stop? Not you stop and they take three more steps and stop. No you stop they stop.
2. Does your horse turn right? Have you thought about turning right? Most people just go left and don’t think twice. 
3. Does your horse back up if you do?
4. Does your horse stay out of your way or are you trying to stay out of his? 
5. Can you keep slack in your lead rope and your horse matches your speed? If you go fast do they go fast if you go slow do they go slow? 
6. If you tripped and fell would your horse run you over? Yeah seriously it happens so how respectful
Is your horse? 
7. Could my two year old daughter lead your horse? 
Hold your horse accountable all the time. Check this list often and practice all these things.

Don’t tie your horse to random things. Tying your horse and teaching patience is one of the most important skills a horse must have, but please only tie to sturdy solid horse rated tying spaces. 
I have seen horses seriously injured by being tied to things that can not withstand a 1000+ pound animal pull back. Often then your horse is attached to said broken item and running around like a maniac. The ground work and work I do helps prepare a horse to be ok if something did happen but save your self the risk of really hurting your horse and other innocent bystanders.
This helps your horse in so many ways. Seriously consider with fore thought what is strong enough to hold your horse if their is an issue while they are tied. That Wooden log that you might think is strong in reality might not be strong enough for your horse. The idea in my mind is yes my horse is so well behaved I could hypothetically tie them to anything and they follow pressure and never pull back in a perfect world. Remember that teaching them to follow the lead rope with there feet from tip number one sets your horse up for success, if your horse never thinks it’s ok to put tension in your lead rope then it will also apply when tied. When I do other ground work with a flag tarp or pull things around is another way we help prepare a horse for incidences like something being drug attached to a lead rope. I debated the grousom image but this was a horse that was tied to a not secured metal gate.

Don’t give up. 
Release is reward. 
The lifelong horse journey is hard. Our egos get in the way and gosh sometimes we just wanna give up. 
I’ve spent hours trying to catch one horse. I’ve spent hours trying to cross one stupid ditch/creek/pole or whatever task or purpose may be at hand. 
Many people I work with get discouraged because a trainer can do things faster then they can. A trainer can do it faster simply because they have put the time in. It’s not magic, it’s time spent working through the struggles and ups and downs. 
I can often do something in 5 minutes now, because I spent days crying, really mad, and so frustrated working through a tough spot in a horse and have and still do feel the way you feel right now. Horses are extremely humbling and challenge us to grow and learn in new ways every day. 
When you give up mid task/maneuver/peoject, when you back the pressure off when no traction is being made because you’re frustrated, you rewarded your horse for the behavior they are offering. Most of the time you rewarded them for the exact behavior you are so frustrated with. 
In the next moment you ask your horse for the same maneuver or behavior, it will probably take even longer now and be more frustrating. Why is that? All because you released on a ‘I’m giving up moment’ because of your own distraction/frustration with the situation, instead of hanging in there to receive what you’d like the horse to really be doing instead. 
Here’s an example:
Your horse is spooking and will not turn left. You pull on the left rein to try to turn left and mid way though you give up and switch to pull on the right rein and turn right instead. You chose to turn right instead because it feels easier and less confrontational. It feels this way because that’s the way your horse is dragging you, spooking to get away from whatever is happening on the left. 
What you taught and communicated to your horse is; if I pull on the left rein just ignore me and take me the opposite direction and keep pulling on me until I give up or allow you to change my focus or plan. 
Here’s another example, trailering. A horse that doesn’t want to load in the trailer and is backing away, and you quit asking the horse to come forward and give them a break instead when they have left the trailer. 
What you’re reinforcing and teaching is leaving the trailer is safer, it is safer to to rely on their own prey animal instincts alone than it is to look to you for safety and answers. You are teaching your horse there is no reason to believe and trust in your leadership, because you also don’t believe and trust yourself enough to follow through and keep the pressure on until your horse can offer you the correct answer you are seeking. If you can’t trust your own leadership and hang in there why should your horse trust you either? 
Horses learn from the application and release of pressure. If you’ve softened in the wrong place 20 times you are now going to have to convince you horse that the thing you reinforced was right all those times is actually a lie, the wrong answer. It’s no wonder why you can create more of a battle with your horse when the dynamic of communication and learning is working this way. Try to hang in and wait longer while working through problems for the correct answer you are looking for the first time, and each time and try after that. 
The key lesson here is horses take timing, patience, and experience. Try to let go as much of your own ego as possible and work through the problem with the end goal in mind even when it gets frustrating. It’s okay to make mistakes as you’re learning better timing. Keep your attitude and determination in check and keep going until you get what you asked for. Don’t allow frustration to defeat you. Remember you can take as long of a break as you need in the moment that your horse has found that answer you wished for them to seek. It’s ok to end on that note for the day even.

Often we get stuck on the good or bad our horse has had and we ride our horse according to that. The past and what has been. 
Maybe you have had the worst ride yesterday and you get on expecting to have a bad ride today. Maybe you got on your horse and you had to use a lot of leg to get them listening, and now they are, but you didn’t change your aids to fit your newly listening horse because you’re still stuck focusing on what was happening. 
I often get called to help fix a problem and clients want to give me a whole back story and often my response is it’s irrelevant. Its irrelevant because I don’t care to focus on what’s happened in the past to your horse, but to focus on the fact that the only important matter is what the horse shows me today. Horses never forget, but they live in the moment, and so should we. 
I can only work with what’s presented in this exact moment. Often the horse is better then the usual behavior the client is used to because of newly set boundaries. Sometimes I reveal behaviors the client says they have never seen, because I hold the horse accountable to be more responsive and respectful for the human. 
As your consistency, experience, timing of feel improve, so should your horse. Your horse should be consistently getting more and more responsive. With in minutes you can change a horses ability to respond with lighter aid! If you are effective. 
If your horse is getting less and less responsive or staying the same and nothing is improving, then there is something you are not doing to be effective. You may not be matching your horses learning speed, your timing is off and isn’t helping your horse find a better responsiveness. You might be stuck doing the same ineffective thing over and over instead of trying a new combination. This is so important to becoming a better rider. You can practice the same things each day, and it should be progressing daily. 
This skill is very important when getting on multiple horses. You must feel the horse you just stepped on, by feeling for the horse, what they are offering, and for their responsiveness. The way your horse needs you to ride to support him/her, might just get you killed on the next. Or the way you ride your horse might not be firm enough to get anything done when you step on another. Every time you get ready to go interact with your horse or someone else’s leave the past memories behind. Be 100% committed to the present moment, and train the horse that shows up in front of you.